Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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