I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
