dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
