Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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