I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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