I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
