It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
