Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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