omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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