I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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