I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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