I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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