i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
