So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
