yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
