Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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