She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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