your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
