You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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