its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
