his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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