Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
