Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
