still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
where are you?
Hypothermia
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
