I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
two words: eviction party
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
