Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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