There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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