If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
