I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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