i already hear my dad disowning me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
