Me. At least after what I've been through.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
