Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
