I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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