if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
