Im at strip club and am horny
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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