Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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