Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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