It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
