If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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