Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
