Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
