She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
