I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
