Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
