I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
