I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
