she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i need some magic done to my vagina
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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