The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
