omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
