My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
