my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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