I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
