You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
