____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
