I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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